please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
