I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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