You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
