Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
