I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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