4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They took my balls.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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