drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
