A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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