ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
