how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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