Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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