The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
