My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
