take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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