I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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