btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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