So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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