I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
