Already got asked if we're dating
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
