I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
