so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
