I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize