She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
