I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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