I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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