it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
