After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
