I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need moral support for this bender
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
