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Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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