Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
