We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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