Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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