Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
