But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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