Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
