Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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