At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
