I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
