you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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