so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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