At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
