You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
