you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
