I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
