I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
