I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
