we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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