Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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