You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
