Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
