I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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