Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
