her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
