Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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