My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
