We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
