Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
