girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize