I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
