I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
