big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
