ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
