i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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