I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize