what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
