oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
