A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
