Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
