Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
