Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
