No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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