Can i not drive my cunt home
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
