I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
