dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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