Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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